Donating Clothes On Staten Island

 Although I live in New jersey, I'm originally from Staten Island. And while my family is white, we grew up in Mariner's Harbor, an area that was, and is, economically disenfranchised. We were six kids and two parents, all living in a small home, but it was ours. We took pride and love in caring for our home. Each of my siblings had chores, myself included. We had a pretty front garden with roses and flowers, and a gigantic backyard with a lawn and veggie garden. My brother Scott mowed the lawn.

My parents still live in that same home. While my own family lives in New Jersey, we visit every Sunday for an Irish-Italian spaghetti dinner. My father still goes to church every Sunday. I do not, but I still support the community. I like to donate clothes on Staten Island. We take all my kids clothes and bring them to my parents home. From there, my Mom makes calls to families in the neighborhood and after a few hours and visits with a few local friends, everything is gone!

I don't feel guilty that we moved to a more affluent area. My husband and I both have really good jobs, and we earned it. It's true that my kids each have a room that is about as big as three of the rooms we grew up in, but I try not to spoil them or give them the impression that they have some sort of entitlement. I try to let them understand that it's because Mommy and Daddy worked hard in college, then dealt with being responsible at work, that we have all of this. My area is mostly white.

But when we go to Staten Island on Sundays, the kids play with my parents' neighbors' kids and grandkids. They are Latino, white, black, you name it. I grew up this way and I find it important that my kids don't end up just playing with children who look like they do. It's true that where we live, there are various ethnicities, but every one in my area has "made it." Everyone is successful. They need to also see kids who are from families that, like us, work hard, but don't get paid as well.

My kids need to know that everyone in a society is valuable, and the sanitation workers and store clerks are just as essential, maybe more, than business executives devoted to making their employer more money each quarter. The kids love to gather their old clothes for donation. I made it very clear that we're also just very lucky, as so many of my friends who did well in college and worked hard DIDN'T make it in life, and are still struggling financially.

I know the lessons have sunk in because one of my kids wants to be an investigative journalist dealing with homelessness, another wants to be a social worker, and my third child is still too young to think about these kinds of things. I will admit, sometimes I feel guilty living in such an opulent home, wondering if we might have been better off buying a more modest-sized house on Staten Island.

My husband is not from Staten Island and probably wouldn't have wanted to move out there. But he was from a rather poor town in New Jersey, and didn't grow up with a lot. His father was in and out of work, and had a problem with alcoholism. His mother raised four kids, mostly by her self, with the aid of her own parents stepping in as babysitters and helping with the grocery bills.

I sometimes daydream about having a little house on my parents' block, a modest little home. I feel like my kids might be better off in the long run. My daughter Chelsea has a room with a closet that is bigger than the bedroom I shared with two sisters! When I think about that, it makes me wonder if all this grandness is actually going to harm my kids, in the long term. I know what it means. They will grow up, probably meet partners from likewise affluent families, and get married. In a sense, it's okay, because I wouldn't mind seeing them thrive.

We were poor, but not so poor that we didn't eat. We owned a home. My Dad had a car. It may have been twenty years old, but it drove and got us where we wanted to go.

I just don't want my kids to donate their clothes feeling like they are superior to anyone. That's not what it's about! They need to understand, life is a big crap shoot, and they could easily have been on the receiving end of some one else's generosity had things gone slightly differently.